I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
