At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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