She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
