i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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