I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
