I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
