hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
