i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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