either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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