I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
