hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
