fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
