Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
