I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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