My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
