Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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