Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
