At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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