the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize