But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
