Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
