Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i've created a new STD.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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