Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets

Fav 65 8572 1177
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(912): View more from Georgia

I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers

Fav 16 4915 1031
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(248): View more from Michigan

Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.

(1-248): View more from Michigan

That's the best idea I've heard all day.

Fav 30 9523 3089
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(239): View more from Florida

Missed another period

(1-239): View more from Florida

I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.

Fav 10 1522 4012
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(703): View more from Virginia

Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?

Fav 7 3791 1367
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(541): View more from Oregon

Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.

Fav 12 2524 935
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(309): View more from Illinois

Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.

Fav 5 1345 686
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(302): View more from Delaware

Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms

Fav 1 85 13
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(819): View more from Quebec

idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars

Fav 2 54 10
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