Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
