I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
