The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
