on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
