is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
