please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Congratulations! We have a period
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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