lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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