I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
