Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
