god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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