marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
