remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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