I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
