watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
