I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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