Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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