I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
no, he came in my armpit
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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