it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
