I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
