Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
