Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
