We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
