I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
