I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
