worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
