Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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