She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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