And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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