No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No subtext here. People are naked.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
