I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
