im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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