4 words: hood of his car
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
