I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
