she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
