I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
