I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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