If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
