Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
