It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
