I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
