I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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