I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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