My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
