I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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