When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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