Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
try to milk me bitch
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