So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
