if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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