You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
