I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
